And all over again my heart is ripped open, and I’m homesick from the place I hold no claim to other than leaving my heart behind. I have spent the last couple of weeks, state side, trying to “make it better” and get back to normal, but like I said in a previous post, there is no normal after you return from a Missions Trip or any type of humanitarian or philanthropic project where you serve people who’s normal is a dirt floor and a tin roof.

My heart may remain broken, but it’s not because I “feel sorry for them”. First off. There is no them. Only we. God created one people, so let me be so ridiculously clear when I say “them” does not refer to poor people or people less than. Second. Do not pity a group of people who are grateful for everything and expectant of nothing.

That’s what breaks my heart the most.

We sit here in our “castles” and feel sorry for “them” when we are the poorest of the poor in terms of love, faith, character, forgiveness, strength, perseverance, and the list goes on.

I’ve got a cushy car, an awesome condo, and very nice things. Again. Stop. First off, my husband and I have worked hard for everything we have. Second off, I am not ashamed of having things.

I am only ashamed that I have allowed myself to develop a deficiency in love, faith, character, forgiveness, strength, perseverance, and again the list goes on.

I’m a fool for even trying to put it into words. This was my best attempt tonight as I type this out on my phone after watching the masterpiece of a video this post was really meant to showcase. Just click below, and then you will begin to understand.

As always, the invitation is open to join us. But if you’re not serious about coming, don’t get serious about the invite. Maybe I’m over stepping here, but we need people with a heart to serve on our trips. I wrote a disclaimer the other day that shared how I wasn’t sure if I was sweating or if the kid I was holding was peeing on me. But in those moments, honestly, who cares? We need people on our trips who can deal with a little pee… So to speak.

Anyways, Jenna Johnson, a journalism major at ECU joined on our most recent trip. Her presence could not have been more God ordained. She is a precious gem and a gift from God, and she knows all this. We tell her often. But this is her video. It’s Nicaragua through the eyes of a young woman coming to the country for the very first time. She captures it perfectly.

Jenna’s Video