Family/Relationships

Husband TakeOver + Beware of the Fixer Upper

So… the Hubs thinks we can learn a thing or two from Home Renovation Shows. I tend to agree with him because well, he’s full of great ideas. But what he has for us today has nothing to do with home renovations. This post is about how we should and shouldn’t apply the principles of these shows in our relationships. Let’s start with:

The Fixer Upper

In a society of shows like The Property Brothers, Love it or List It, etc., house renovations have become the norm. We are obsessed with these shows! Seriously, you can often find the two of us on the couch 100% completely absorbed with their design ideas and renovation projects. We love these shows, and we are betting you do too because c’mon, the industry would not be pumping out hundreds of thousands of episodes of home renos if we didn’t all love to indulge in other people’s projects.

The problem with these shows is that we don’t know how to leave it on the screen or in the home. We have developed a “Fixer Upper” mentality that has transferred into our friendships, dating relationships, and marriages. Like a good house fixer upper, women (and men…) are viewing their significant others as fixer uppers and signing up for a lifetime of fixing them into 1 of 2 things: the person they want them to be, or the person they think they should be.

Either way, both are wrong. Leave people alone, and let them be who they are. 

If you want a good mate, find a good mate. Don’t try to create one. This whole fixer upper mentality should not apply to our relationships. It’s truly just utter non-sense, and while you think you’re helping them, you’re NOT. Next, let’s move on to:

The Mansion

Often times, we have ideas of what we want in our significant other. This is good. But sometimes, we go a little overboard. For example, we have a list of 5 solid character-related traits we are looking for in a mate, and then we have a list of 30 superficial traits we are also expecting. Now, we’re not saying to dismiss your preferences. However, be aware of the market you are looking in. Also, be careful of the traits you are flexible on. So many times, we are like Oh he lied, but it just happened once. I can stay with him. But then we turn right around with another guy and say Oh yeah, he’s too short for me. Nice, but short. This won’t work. Compromise is normally a good thing, but be conscious of what you are compromising on in your relationships.

If you are not willing to put in the effort to be the type of 10 you are looking for, then maybe you should evaluate the reasons why you need a certain type of 10. A 10 looks different to everyone. Some like them tall, dark, and handsome. While others fall for a fair-skinned, blondie. Some think they want a guy with major status points, tons of money, and one who will shower them with gifts. While others are aiming for someone who can help create a healthy home where bills are paid, needs are met, but not all of their wants are always met immediately. All of these are different versions of a 10. If your version of a 10 does not match the type of 10 you are, then seriously, check into this.(i.e. If you want a giver, be a giver.)

Wrap Up Points from the Hubs

I asked the Hubs for a couple of tips or words of wisdom that he wanted to share with our readers, and this is what he had to offer us.

Don’t expect perfection. He said this jokingly, but then got really serious about it. This goes along with the Mansion idea. Unless you are perfect, don’t demand perfection. Sometimes out standards are little unrealistic. At the end of the day, people are still people, and we all make mistakes. Mistakes are different from character flaws though… which leads us to his next piece of advice.

Look for patterns, they are indicative of what the person is really like. While we aren’t looking for “Mr. Perfect” anymore, be sure that you are looking for “Mr. Perfect For YOU”. If this includes character traits like dependable, loves kids, honestly, etc., don’t be looking for your Mr. Right in a crowd of cheaters who want kids, can’t keep their word, and only show up half of the time. These are probably not Mr. Perfect For YOU, they are Mr. Perfect For Someone Else.

Know your worth. Really not much to add here. Know who you are before you try to find your person. They are not going to make you feel complete or fill you up and define you. That’s not how it works. Know who you are, own it, and put yourself out there.

Red flags are red for a reason. Red is commonly a color used to STOP us. Yellow is meant to CAUTION us, and green obviously means GO. I think a lot of times, we treat Red flags like Yellow flags. We let them just kinda be there in the back of our mind, but we don’t act on them for a number of reasons. When the flag is Red though, you need to STOP and address the flag.

Well, here’s to the first Husband TakeOver post! Hope you guys liked it! Feel free to add comments in the section below, and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter! @eatpraywife

– the Wife

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