A little honesty from a new mom who loves this “job” more than anything ever
So… First time mom here, almost 3 months into the beautiful & chaotic journey of motherhood. As I type these words I’m reminded of the many, many times I said “oh I can’t wait to be a mom and experience the beautiful and chaotic journey of motherhood.” I knew it would be wonderful, and it’s honestly so much better than I ever could have expected. I knew the snuggles would be sweet, and I had been told that new babies have this special “newborn scent” that I was excited to experience.
The day Maverick arrived was the most incredible & transformative experience. I describe that part of the journey as me feeling like a warrior. I laboured and fought my absolute hardest to bring our little boy into the world, and it happened. He arrived just as perfectly as I had always dreamed he would. I had a great pregnancy, experienced a great delivery, and I have a great baby. I say these things all the time, and they are true. Period.
Greatness can coincide with challenges. Good doesn’t mean easy. Hard doesn’t mean bad.
Understanding that a hard day with our baby doesn’t mean a bad day is super important, especially in these first few months where there are a lot of hard days because the nature of motherhood is hard work. It’s great work. The greatest in my opinion. Mothering Maverick is truly my best work if I do say so myself 😉 and it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had because I care so much. I want to do my best. I want to get it right. I’m so dedicated to love him with every piece of my heart, and I’m working so hard to give him absolutely everything I have to offer him.
That’s why it’s hard.
Motherhood is hard because we love them so much. The crying isn’t what makes it hard. The diapers honestly are the easiest part. The middle of the night feeds aren’t even that difficult once you gain perspective to accept what’s happening and figure out a good routine for when that time comes. The part that’s hard is doing all of this and wondering if you’re doing enough. If you could have done better today. If he knows you got a little frustrated earlier in the day when your haakaa fell and you lost that precious .5 oz of breastmilk that you were making for him.
I honestly think motherhood is meant to be challenging. It’s one of those things where great things take work, and if it wasn’t a little tricky, you might not appreciate it as much.
All of this might sound crazy. I hope it’s relatable. It’s the perspective that helps me accept the nature of my daily work being difficult and simultaneously wonderful. I’ve never loved being anything more than being Maverick’s mom. It’s my favourite thing. I love him so much. His smile can make me melt into a pure puddle. Even on our most challenging days, all I need is a little cheeky grin from him, and the planets in my solar system are realigned again.
When I started writing this, I wanted to share a story of a what self care looks like as a new mom. My thoughts took a hard left turn though because it’s so important to me to speak this narrative of “hard work being a good thing” into existence. People don’t talk about this enough. We hear how hard motherhood is like it’s a bad thing, and then… we are told if we say “it’s just so wonderful” that we’re being toxically positive. I don’t usually say this… but I kinda want to call BS. I think it’s both.
Motherhood IS hard.
It is also wonderful.
And often, it’s both at the same time.
Feeling that this journey is the best thing I’ve ever experienced isn’t toxic, and it IS positive. I’ve chosen joy and positivity over this journey time and time again, and I’ll continue to do so because it needs to be done. I want to have a joyful experience. Even when it’s hard, I want to find joy in chaos… and I do, by choice, through prayer, and from practicing honest positivity everyday. I don’t force it, but I do find something positive in every day, even the hard days.
I’ll say though… I think pretending to be happy, faking it til you make it, and refusing to acknowledge that this job is challenging are 3 ways to ruin the experience. It was almost like once I acknowledged that hard work isn’t bad, I was able to see that this journey is both beautiful and chaotic, just as I had always said it would be… but I didn’t know what that actually felt like until I was here.
Motherhood is exactly that for me though. It is so beautiful. This bond I’m developing with Maverick is absolutely tremendous. Our love for one another is breathtaking. The space he is taking up in our home and our hearts is perfect and so wonderful. Motherhood, from my experience, is also a bit chaotic 😂 It’s me trying to fold a stroller into the back of the car, while soothing a not super happy camper, noticing the cars waiting for my spot, as sweat runs down my neck and I smile trying to remain calm, cool, and collected saying “it’s okay, Mavy… we’ll be home soon.” These moments are beautiful. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that they are chaotic at the exact same time as being so beautiful.
As a mom who wanted to only speak positive things during this journey, I’ve learned how positive and uplifting it can be to speak honestly. Ryan and I had an incredible conversation about the nature of parenthood. We came to the same conclusion that it’s great & it’s hard. But hard doesn’t mean bad. And great doesn’t mean easy. Society, people, our generation, kinda most people don’t acknowledge that.
Tiny rant: I often get asked “is he a good baby” and like what am I going to say? “No?” That’s ridiculous. I know what they are really asking… does he sleep through the night? Is he fussy? Is he eating well? Are you stressed? And honestly, it’s a trick question. It’s loaded with a canned reply now matter what I say. And the only answer that is 100% accurate is this: “Yes, he’s a great baby. He is wonderful. All babies are great. They are spectacular, in fact. I love babies. God made each and every one of them in His image. They are pure, wholesome, flawless, and perfect.” also… “Babies cry, they are fussy, they aren’t meant to sleep through the night right away, they have to learn how to eat. It’s all a process, and they deserve time and patience to figure out these basic human functions without being labeled good or bad in the process.”
So… in wrapping up my most transparent and honest expression of motherhood and the beautiful, chaotic journey that I am getting to experience, I’ll say this: I wouldn’t trade a single thing from this journey for any amount of anything in the world. I can’t possibly be more clear that being a mom is the most amazing thing I’ve ever been able to experience. That always goes first and really should go without saying because it’s just such an incredible responsibility to be given the honor and privilege of raising a child and providing a home for them to grow and learn while experiencing love and compassion so freely and derservingly (that’s not a word but it should be). Babies are deserving of space to grow and learn. I really believe there is no greater experience than this. It is so much better than I expected, and I set a pretty high expectation on this thing. The hard parts make me feel so strong because when I reflect, I know just how hard I am working each and every day to provide a loving space for Maverick to grow and develop. It doesn’t always feel lovely in the moment, but all the chaos involved in raising a tiny human is the precursor to really hard work paying off. It’s all worth it, even if you don’t see it yet.
If you’re a Mama, I salute you! You’re doing great. If your journey feels more chaotic than beautiful, you’re probably doing exactly what you’re meant to be doing. Take a step back and look at the big picture, and I promise you can find joy in chaos.
If you’re on your way to becoming a Mama, I hope this post encourages you and doesn’t make you nervous. I used to cringe when I read things that spoke negatively about parenting, and I still do. I hope I’ve done a good job of explaining the complex intricacies of motherhood without making it sound negative or as though I’m complaining. It really is so fun, and I hope you love it as much as I do!
If you’re a hopeful Mama to be one day and you’re reading this, know that I see you, and I can’t wait for this to be part of your journey. I waited for what seemed like an eternity before we were blessed with our baby boy. It’s totally worth the wait. A second sooner or a moment later, and we might not have gotten “Maverick”. He’s exactly who he’s supposed to be, and I’m so grateful that we were given this responsibility of raising him. I am praying for all the “one day Mamas” that the journey to becoming a Mama is flooded with peace, patience, and resilience.
⁃ XX a happy to be tired Mama, because that means I’m really a Mama
One thought on “A little honesty from a new mom who loves this “job” more than anything ever”
Lindsay, no one can say it better or more beautiful. You have described the joy and work of being a mother so elegantly. I am so happy for you and Ryan. I think Precious Maverick has the best parents he could have. I look forward to seeing him grow and all of his accomplishments, even if from a distance and on Facebook. This child is so loved by people all around the world. I cannot wait to meet him in person. I pray many Blessings and Devine Health over you , Ryan and Maverick. He is just so precious and made in the image of our God. 🙌