Pregnancy: Learning to Not be in Control

The most important thing I’ve learned during pregnancy:

I’m not in control, and that’s okay.

My body is taking over in ways I would not even know how to explain… meaning, it’s all good. My body was designed to know what to do even when I’m not really sure what’s happening.

For example, my hips are naturally (through God’s wonderful design) beginning to shift and make room. If I tried to “make room”, I wouldn’t know where to begin, but it’s one of those cool body tricks that is happening naturally and effortlessly.

Another example, everything in utero is happening by God’s design. Some books will tell you the baby’s heartbeat was “spontaneous” for the first little bit… and scientifically speaking, maybe that’s the verbiage they like. In my faithful opinion, I don’t believe anything about pregnancy is spontaneous… it’s all right on time and exactly how God planned. So when my baby’s heart was beating while still developing all the right valves and connections, the spontaneity was in the hand of God. Again, something I have absolutely no control over.

I’ve also learned not to stress over the things out of my control.

There are SOOOO many things that we can stress over during pregnancy… What prenatal vitamins do I take? What can I eat? Am I gaining enough weight? Too much weight? Why can’t I feel the baby yet? How do I know if the baby is okay in there? What should my birth plan be? Am I overreacting or appropriately responding?

This barely scratches the surface on things new mamas can worry about… to add to that list, now every single pain, ache, sensation, new feeling, and twitch is now something you worry about. Maybe you didn’t concern yourself with things like this before?? Or maybe you’ve always been hyper aware of your body. Either way, mama… you are not in control here.

Focus on what you can control. (Gently)

There are so many things out of my control right now, and by the grace of God, I’ve made peace with that. This is the biggest “give it to Jesus” season I’ve ever experienced, and quite honestly, it’s so nice being able to hand Him the things out of my control. It leaves me with very little worry because I fully trust that God’s got this pregnancy under control.

So, instead of stressing over what I can’t control, I’m spending good, pure time focusing on things I can control. The fun stuff, the important stuff, and the really special stuff.

I get the super fun privilege of planning out a nursery. This is something I’ve been careful not to day dream about until actually becoming pregnant. For some reason, I really wanted to reserve this planning process for pregnancy, and I’m so glad I did! I’m taking this process one step at a time too because just like anything we focus on, it can be easy to let this become a stressful journey of “oh no! Am I doing it right?!” And “what if I make the wrong choices?”

Thankfully, one of my besties is a design genius, and she has helped me curate the perfect vision for our baby’s nursery. I sent her my Pinterest board of ideas, and she conceptualized it into a more streamlined way of looking at things. She helped me price things out, and offered options on multiple price points. Basically, when I said “jungle theme, but not like JUNGLE theme,” she knew exactly what I meant and planned out the perfect nursery for us!

When I’m not doing fun things like nursery planning, I’m also focusing on the important things like figuring out our preference on OB versus midwife, the goal of a medicated or non-medicated birth, which hospital to deliver at, and how to get this baby a passport stat!! Thank goodness we have 9 months to figure all of this out 🙂

Then, there are the special things I’m choosing to focus on and day dream about like baby names, baby showers, what color his hair might be, and if he will be adorably mischievous like his daddy. I’ve been keeping a little journal along the way, and it’s mainly filled with little snippets of my day or things I would tell the baby if I knew he could hear me. These special moments fill my need to be in control. Choosing joy and patience in this season of so much unknown has been the best decision I could have made for both my mental health and spiritual health on this journey.

If you can take 3 things away from this blogpost, know this:

1. You’re not in control, and that’s okay.

2. Let’s not stress over things we can’t control.

3. Instead, focus on the things that are in your control.

If your a nervous new mama, I encourage you to give yourself some grace. Know that so many other women are going through the same thing as you. Even though every pregnancy and every baby is super unique, we are truly living out the miracle of life and doing so together. If you’re worried about being a good mama or doing a good job, I believe you’ll do just fine. Often, those who are concerned with doing it well end up doing it SO well!

I leave you with this last concept… one that has been said many times before and will be said many times after: Let God be God. Let Him love you. Let Him hold you, and let Him grow your baby. He’s got you, your baby, and your pregnancy in His hands. This declaration gives me so much peace and so much hope, especially on those days when ugly thoughts and horrible images invade the sacred space of my mind. My default response to these thoughts has become handing them to Jesus and boldly claiming “this is not for me, I surrender it to You.” Claim victory in Jesus over your baby as often as you need. I say that word “victory” multiple times throughout my day in agreement with God’s promises over my life and the life of my child.

⁃ xx the Wife & Mama who is not in control

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