Wife: (noun) a spouse; a committed companion; a lifetime partner
- Example: Through marriage and communion, she has become a “wife”.
Wife: (verb) the act of making someone a wife (also known as “getting married”)
- Example: Dang, boy… you betta “wife her”!
Alright ya’ll, it’s time for a real, authentic, raw perspective of what it’s like to be a modern day wife in the year 2021. A perspective coming to you from a current wife, married of 6 years – meaning, I still don’t always know what I’m doing, but I’m better at “wifing” than I was 6 years ago.
I’m not gonna lie and tell you that being a modern, Christian wife in 2021 is the hardest thing I’ve ever done… I’m also not going to pretend like it’s the easiest thing either.
To all my wifey friends, we are truly all in this together, but also… we’re not. Because being married means having a relationship that truly is like none other. While similarities may arise between different marriages, there has truly, never ever been a marriage or a relationship like the one I’m in, or the one you are in. Marriage is genuinely the most unique relationship and experience of my life, and it’s indescribably amazing and complex in the most incredible way.
The word I choose to focus on when explaining what it’s like to be a modern wife in the year 2021 is opportunity.
It’s a weird way to describe marriage, but not how you think. Most of the time, when I talk to young couples, they are worried if they’ve found the “One.” Have the found someone who will love them, support them, make them happy. It’s all about them… But with marriage, the best one’s make it all about each other.
When you look at marriage as the opportunity to love someone else, you experience selfless love. The opportunity to spend your life with someone else, you experience adventure. The opportunity to have someone’s back and to have someone that has yours, and this is the experience of loyalty.
For so long, I thought marriage was a “given”. It was something that’s expected of you and from you. It seems like everyone gets married, and I’m sure if you’ve just survived the holidays as a single lady, you’ve likely had to answer the many questions surrounding that relationship status in your life. (and can I just say, I. Love. Emma Watson’s. Perspective. On. Being. Single. As. A. Pringle.)
This world of expectation and security is weird. This world of fairytales and dreaming of happily ever after is also weird. And, although I don’t reject it totally… I have to admit that being married is a lot more Avengers working together to save the day than “Glass slipper fitting just right”.
The best way that I can describe my role as a wife in this opportunity of marriage is this:
It’s having the unique opportunity to step into a role that only YOU can fill as Mrs. (fill in the blank) forever.
As a wife, you are the only person who can love your spouse the way they need to be loved. No one else’s love will ever compare to what you can offer your spouse.
As a wife, you have immediate access to knowing the needs of your spouse. You will likely spend as particular amount of time in vulnerable situations that will allow you to read your spouse like no one else. This is truly a privilege, and it creates so many opportunities for you to love, encourage, and support your spouse when you sense things are a challenge for them.
As a wife, your approval and praise will take the cake. No one else’s congratulations will hold as much weight as yours, and you can disagree with me here, but give your marriage a few more years and come back to talk this one out with me.
Take ownership of your role in your marriage. You are the WIFE. You have the power to ensure that your spouse feels like an absolutely rockstar even on some of the most challenging days of their lives. What an incredible opportunity! You can literally turn their entire day around by existing, showing up, and being available to them.
Of all the things I’ve ever done in my life, my role as a Wife is my favorite.
I don’t say that lightly. I’ve been privileged to have incredible opportunities all over the world – missions trips, vacations, etc. I’ve had incredible, life-changing internships, met celebrities, and experienced some pretty magical moments. But the best part of my entire life is my marriage. He is the best part of me, and my goal will always be to mirror that as the best part of him.
As I wrap things up, I totally empathize and relate to the woman reading this who feels like your a bum for a wife. In my first year, I felt like I could do nothing right. (and I MUST be super clear that this was no fault of my husband) I truly just felt like I had no idea what I was doing, and I compared myself to women who had been married for 20+ years. I felt like a failure on the first day. It wasn’t until I threw comparison out the window, turned my focus fully on my own marriage, and stepped into the role of Wife that I began to understand that this marriage (my marriage) had the potential to be the greatest adventure of my life, if only I could allow it.
To the new wives, I only want to encourage you! Own your role. Know who you are, and that is all. Take every day as an opportunity to make your marriage better than the day before, by loving your spouse as much as you can.
To the wives a few years in, I also want to encourage you. You may already have this thing figured out, and if so, please drop some love in the comments!! Stay the course, trust the process, and remember that you have the power to make your spouse feel like the most incredible person on the planet. Don’t take that ability lightly.
To the wives who feel they’ve been stuck in a rut and don’t see any of this “happy marriage” stuff as a reality, I’m sending you socially distanced hugs. It’s never too late to step back into the role as a present, supportive, and powerful wife. So long as you are willing to put your marriage first, you can make pivotal moves to transition a challenged relationship into something beautiful.
And alas, to all the single ladies… Congratulations for taking the initiative to read this post. You’re doing your homework early. It’s okay to day dream a little, and I encourage you to do so. Just remember to day dream a realistic marriage, not the fairytale stuff. Trust your gut, not your heart, and when you find the man of your dreams and become engaged, check out SYMBIS. It will 100% change your life, and it has the ability to set your marriage up for success.
If you’re interested in reading more on a Modern Christian Marriage, leave a note in the comments, and feel free to drop a specific topic you’d like to read about.
xx – the Wife
Here’s a few of my favorite wifey moments with Ryan.