A Letter to the Ladies Who Won’t be Called “MOM” this Mother’s Day

Today is, for many, a really special day.

In fact, for many, it’s incredibly special. It’s the first time they get to hear those 3 precious words – Happy Mother’s Day.

For others, it’s special because they’ve heard those words over and over again, and it’s always gets sweeter.

For the new Grammies, it’s the blessing of hearing those words said to their daughter, by their granddaughter for the first time.

Today is a day of many firsts, and it’s so beautiful.

It’s also hard for some. It’s the first year some won’t be able to say – Happy Mother’s Day because their mother is no longer with them.

It’s the first time, a mother of child or infant loss will wish more than anything that she could have heard those words just once before having empty hands again.

To others, it’s wanting more than anything to bring a child into the world and feel that sense of belonging and motherhood – that sense of fulfillment and completeness.

To the women who won’t hear those three little words today, I see you. And I sit with you in the hard confusion of this day.

And ya know, just because I’m pretty certain you deserve to hear it – Happy Mother’s Day. To you. I hope that one day, you get your miracle, or your gift or the right timing. I hope it’s next year or the next, and when those little words come out of your little ones mouth, I hope it’s the best thing you’ve ever heard.

You are not alone.

It might feel like it, but I promise, there are women all over the world today with that little pinch in their heart. That hesitation when they hear the words. The feeling of emptiness or maybe not even quite that extreme… it could just be a feeling of not yet being complete.

And I’m hear to let you know, that’s okay.

I remember the first time I felt weird on Mother’s Day. It was 2 years ago, and I was really confused. I wasn’t ready to be a mom, but I still felt a little sad. Maybe more confused than sad. I think it was knowing that I “could have” something so special in my life, and then wondering why I didn’t. Why was I waiting?

Then came the next year. (Last year) and it was more than a little weird, it was hard. Maybe that’s where you are this year. You have realized you have a baby shaped hole in your family right now, and you are ready and willing and so hopeful to fill it. To you, I send extra love and hugs. And I want you to know, it’s okay to feel this way too.

But you gotta work with that.

Last year, on Mother’s Day, I was going through these feelings alone, believing that I had masked my pain with the perfectly convincing smile, until I got an unexpected Facebook message. One of my students wrote me the kindest Mother’s Day message telling me to stay strong, and reminding me it’s okay to be sad and that God would bless me with a baby when the timing was right. His words really touched me because it was exactly what I needed to hear. I had finally hit the point where I was ready to be a mom and no longer wanted to wait and was really hoping “it would happen”, and that sweet message reminded me that it’s okay to wait when your not ready, and it’s also okay to wait when you are. That’s where I am. I’m ready. And for whatever reason, it’s not my time, and I’m choosing to be okay with that and allow God to grow me during this time.

This year, it doesn’t feel as bad as last year. I think I’ve come to a deeper understanding of what it really means to be on God’s timing. It certainly isn’t my own timing, but I know it’s better for a reason. I think more than anything, this year, I’m aware that I’m not a mom, but I’m not devastated. “I know the plans I have for you says the Lord”, and deep in my heart, and I know with full certainty that He has plans for me to be a mom. One day.

And I’m okay with that. Today.

As much as I am willing to take on that new role any time He is ready to gift it to me, I am also willing to wait. And that’s my prayer for you. I pray that today isn’t a day of sadness, although I know how hard it can be to not be a mom on Mother’s Day. I pray that you have peace. That instead of being painfully aware of what you are not, you are only aware of what you may become. I hope you can look around and see little blessings everywhere and dive into the joy of others experiencing motherhood for the first time.

And just remember, you aren’t alone. If you are feeling it, you’re not the first. If you are thinking it, so is someone else. If you need time today, take it. If you need a minute, have it. If you cry a little, do it. And then process it. Talk to someone. Share your heart. Tell them how confused you feel. Let them know if you’re not ready to listen but just need to talk.

And if you don’t have a person to do that with, send me an email. You don’t have to feel this way alone. Today is a good day. People all over the world are expressing their appreciation for the mothers who have come before us and made miracles happen in their children’s lives. Let’s share in their joy, knowing what we know, and be proud of all the Mamas out there for giving it their all. One day, we will be asking them for all the tips on what to do, and until then, we can be ever so grateful for the blessings God pours down every single day.

– the Wife (momma in waiting… no bun, just an oven)

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