Developing a Healthy Marriage & Why We Think It’s Really Quite Simple… (Not Easy, But Simple)

Y’all, I love this man right here… and I know he loves me because even on my *not nice* days, he is still nice to me. I’ve been getting a lot of messages recently asking for more posts about marriage and relationships, so here you go.

The truth about MARRIAGE: It can be the most fun you’ve ever had with someone absolutely incredible with a hilarious sense of humor who you will laugh with until you pee a little…

It can also be going to bed angry, waking up grumpy, shooting passive aggressive glances across the table, and whispering names under your breath.

It can even be both, but never both at the same time. Marriage is a relationship that can *grow through what you go through* if you allow it.

A happy marriage vs. A miserable marriage

The difference? A choice.

A simple choice to love, to forgive, to respect, to give grace, to laugh, to be happy and to be honest, loyal, pure, genuine, realistic, and gentle.

Those are the choices you are given every single day in a marriage.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Marriage is work. Happy marriages take work, and y’all, miserable marriages take work too. You either choose to be nice or you choose to be ugly. It’s as simple as that. Nobody chooses to be nothing. There is no neutral when it comes to your marriage.

And I know having a good marriage is more than the choice to have a good marriage. It certainly takes two to tango, especially in a healthy relationship. But having a happy-healthy, and dare I say *good*, marriage begins with the choices we make on a daily basis. Of course big things like infidelity and other things that break marriages can take a happy marriage to a really ugly place… but guys, those things don’t just happen in a day. They happen with a simple choice. A set of choices. Daily choices.

I strongly believe that the habits you develop in a marriage will determine the longevity of your relationship. Get into the habit of making good habits.

Kiss him every night before you go to bed.

Hold her hand in the car, always.

Say “I love you” every time you end a phone call.

These are easy habits that most all newly weds do, and they are habits that keep the love you share feeling lovely. And mushy gushy isn’t my style, but loving my husband is… you don’t have to be a super sappy person to have a passionate or a good relationship. Look at us, I mean… we are not those people. We get way more kicks out of being silly 🙃 and goofing off than being super romantic and mushy… and that’s okay! It’s also okay if you and your spouse are like over the top hopeless romantics… find your dance, and never stop dancing.

We’ve been blessed with awesome examples of marriage in our lives. Honestly. I’m so thankful to God that we were both blessed to grow up in homes with both of our parents. I’m also glad that our parents were real with us. We’ve been taught that marriage *no matter how much effort is put in* will never be perfect. My parents have shared with me several tips and helpful things that have helped them remain not only happy but also successful in their marriage.

The Hubs and I believe that God designed marriage in a way that sets you up for success. And y’all… I’m for real about this. The Bible is not a rule book. It is an incredible guide. It has everything you need to know about how to have a healthy marriage. And it’s in plain English… well, translated into English.

However.

It is totally 100% possible to fail at marriage. And y’all, even though our marriage has never “failed”, there are days when I fail at being a wife.

*When I was first writing this, I read it to the Hubs for feedback, and he stopped me after that last line and said, “but Babes, you’re perfect 😉”… Even though we both know that’s not true, he still says it every time I say something like this to remind me that he still thinks I’m great, even though I’m flawed.*

Some days I fail at being a wife. So, I wake up the next morning, and the choices are there *just like they were every day before*, and I get to choose:

Will I be a nice person today?

Will I treat my husband with respect today?

Will I go easy on him if he forgets to do something he said he would?

Will I show gratitude for the things he does every single day?

Will I be real when I mess up today?

Will I be humble when I need grace?

Marriage is a lot about communication and expectations. It’s about figuring out what works for 2 completely separate humans who have chosen to do life together. Open, honest, pure conversation and super realistic expectations *that are carefully and clearly expressed* are the 2 major things we focus on for a HEALTHY *not perfect* marriage.

Being married is one of the greatest adventures of my life. I love being a wife. It brings me so much joy and so much happiness. Some days I feel like I’ve hit the freaking jackpot. But y’all, with great reward comes great responsibility. It sounds weird calling my marriage a reward. I didn’t like earn a good husband or anything like that. I mean, I definitely don’t deserve this great man I have. But I got him, so it’s my responsibility to do my part. If we want a good marriage, that’s our reward, and it’s our responsibility to make good savvy choices.

Remember, perfect marriages aren’t real. Real marriages aren’t perfect. 👌🏼

⁃ the Wife

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