This post isn’t really going to make sense to those who didn’t follow my last two week missions trip to Nicaragua. It was one of the most incredible trips of my life. God grew me in ways that I didn’t know he could grow me. I learned from people who were actually a lot stronger than I realized they were. I knew they were super women, but I had no idea that they were capable of the things that they were actually doing. And then God did a number on me. It’s not like I thought I was maxed out on growth. I didn’t think he was done with me, and I didn’t believe that he had reached me to my capacity. I just had no idea what he was going to do with me.

So I get into this Mode where you’re expecting to wake up first thing on this morning of January 1 go downstairs get my cup of coffee have a nice little devotional and greet the day. Greeting the day is kind of a joke between me and the hubs, but it’s just kind of one of the things we like to laugh about. I’m not a morning person so when I greet the day it’s my final last ditch effort to say OK morning I’m going to acknowledge you. For no other reason than my own I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Which of course that kind of complicates the whole starting off the year on the right foot, if you catch my plane.

So instead of writing an inspiring post about how to have a New Year’s resolution or how to do good things today and start the year off right I’m just going to post something that I wrote about a week ago from my trip in Nicaragua. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope it’s what you need. And if it’s not I know there’s someone out there who will appreciate it and need it.

As always thank you guys so much for your support. Last night I was feeling incredibly vulnerable, but my inbox on all social media platforms were completely bombarded with a support with thanks for making a blog post for appreciation of the things that I write and just for encouragement and love from people who I honestly thought had forgotten about me. So my actual post today starts a little bit below.Here you go:

I’m finally putting it into words.

How do you come back to a country with excess after leaving a country with very little? The only way I have been able to reconcile my flights back home is with a plan to come back within the next year. If I couldn’t come back to serve, I don’t think I could survive. The Nicaraguan people give me life. They give me purpose, and they give me power to push through every hard day I think I’m having because I know their days will always be harder.

I’m not a saint.

People tell me all the time how I’m such a good person for going down and loving on those babies. First of all “those babies” are God’s babies, and if He would allow it, they would legally become my babies. Second, I’m not doing anything you couldn’t do. Im just taking opportunities that are right in front of me.

Going to Nicaragua is like breathing. Booking that next flight is like booking a flight home. It’s a place where my abilities and my blessings multiply. In a way, it’s completely selfish. I go there knowing I will hear God. And sometimes, that’s why I go.

I’m not a perfect person. I try to be good one, but I’m honest enough with myself to know I’m barely even a good person. I’m a Christian, yes but that’s the only good thing about me. These trips present an overwhelming amount of opportunities to make a difference.

I know there are things our team has done that I’ve never even learned about. When you see a kid with little to nothing, you just buy whatever it is they are selling, not to continue to cycle, but to make their life little easier.

I thought I would be ready to share stories, but I guess I’m not yet. I’ll get there, and trust me…. have the tissues ready. The people of Nicaragua will change your life, and if they don’t, I’m so sorry. Please don’t ever read another thing I post because we aren’t linked.

⁃ the bold, the flawed, the Wife

A little sidebar for you: my devotion this morning was talking about the heroes who don’t wear capes. Now I definitely don’t think I’m a hero. I never will be, and I never have been. But it just reminded me of my role in other peoples lives. Today Ryan and I talked about justice, and how just one little person can help another person have justice in their life. The calling that God has placed in my life involves helping women who have been through really really terrible situations. And that’s my goal for 2018. It’s not necessarily a New Year’s resolution. But so far I have a three step plan on how I’m going to do it. I’ve got a really safe plan, and I’ve talked it out with some of the most influential and important people in my life. All of this to say the devil is throwing darts at me left and right, and he keeps trying to steal my joy. And I know if he’s doing that to me he must be doing that to you too. If 2018 is going to be your year, if you know this is the year that God is going to use you, just go ahead and expect to be afflicted with spiritual pain. Not from God, he doesn’t give that to you. But if you’re going through different types of health struggles or if you’re just dealing with anxiety that you’ve never felt before. If suddenly find yourself depressed, this may be part of a spiritual warfare attack, and if you want to learn more about that I definitely recommend talking to your pastor. I am no expert on the topic, but I am trying to learn so that I can help others and so that I can help myself.

Anyways, sorry for a for a super serious post on the first of the year. My blog was never meant to be a comedy blog so with this I hope you have a beautiful day, I hope that you are a reminded of the work that you have set before you. You’re so incredibly valuable and I honestly believe that God has a place for you in 2018.