Hey there, welcome to my unfiltered perspective on life. My life changed recently when I was asked to type up an 82 page (double sided) document on spiritual warfare. I’m a Christian but grew up in a very conservative Free Will Baptist community, so this topic was one we frequented never…. In fact, it was something I knew very little about. All I knew up to this point was that I believed in angels and demons. I believed that evil existed in the world, and I believed that there was another “invisible” layer of our world that I always just called the spirit world. I had no idea what any of this meant, but through my personal studies and private investigation, these were the answers I had come up with.
Then, I started meeting people who talked about spiritual warfare and how it had affected them personally. These were people I trusted more than even my own intuitions, so I was incredibly intrigued. I listened to every story on the edge of my seat, awaiting each and every detail. Soon after learning of some of these stories, a very wise woman let me in on a pretty key piece of information. Once you open that door, it stays open forever. You can’t exactly “un-know” the power of the enemy, so deciding to research these topics meant I would be opening a door that I might not be able to close. Moving forward, Prayer became a very significant part of my life. I mean, I know we all pray and for most of my life, my prayers have been full of “God please do this” and “forgive me of that”, but it wasn’t until recently that I learned to pray with expectation. God has made us many incredible promises throughout scripture, one being that He would never let us face something too difficult for us to handle.
Over the past 3-4 weeks, I’ve been put on the spot to pray, and y’all…. that’s not typically my thing. I’m more of a sit by myself and pray it out kind of person, but for whatever reason, 3 very special people on the 3 very different occasions asked me to lead a public prayer over 3 very serious needs. Y’all. I was terrified. I don’t pray pretty. I’ve never prayed pretty. I pray to God the way I talk to my besties. Of course, I try to be reverent and show respect, but I don’t have like a special eloquent vocabulary that I use on God. We just talk “normal.” Anyways, this brings me to the title of this post.
The Queen is Back on Her Throne
Now, I’m no Mother of Dragons, but in my spirit I’m a mother by instinct. Children are the most precious beings on earth, and I always sense their presence in a room, a store, a Street…. it’s odd. Maybe it’s my “gift”. I always thought my “calling” in life would be to help children, and in a way, it is. My life’s passion has been serving with World Missions Outreach over the past 6 years. God has revealed more to me in those short term trips than He has in my entire life combined. He speaks to me there, and this past trip, He spoke very clearly.
When God speaks, the Devil schemes… I’m not joking. My walk with God was flourishing while simultaneously, my spirit was being strained in ways I have never known. Suddenly, I couldn’t multi-task, I couldn’t focus on conversations being had right in front of me, and honestly, I couldn’t hold it together. I found myself retreating from family Christmas dinners to go cry in a corner because of something psychologists would call social anxiety. I found myself freaking out and completely panicking when my things weren’t exactly how I left them. Also, I started counting things out, arranging things in odd ways, checking and rechecking, all symptoms or criteria for other psychological disorders that I knew I didn’t have. However, being a psych graduate myself, I started to wonder if I was being crippled by anxiety.
I became more transparent and vulnerable with my husband, parents, and best friend than ever before. I told them everything, all the fears, all the stresses, all the things I heard God telling me in Nicaragua, and they reminded me to take it back to God. Prayer and meditation are my jam. It’s how God and I have our most intimate moments. I received a phone call yesterday morning from a woman I have admired since I was 9 years old, her words were “I’m just calling to encourage you.” I had been asking God for a sign that He was still in control, and He made it happen. So the part about being a queen…. honestly, the only thing I reign over is my sweet little puppy, Duchess, and most of the time, she ends up being the boss of me.
What I realized tonight though is that I can speak my life into existence. I have nothing to fear. My Heavenly Father is the King of all Kings. My future is already in His hands, and whatever He chooses to whisper in my ear is what I will proclaim out loud.For the first time ever in my career life, I have full confidence of where God is taking me. It’s not pretty. It’s not in the spotlight, and it’s probably not something I’ll talk about on here very much if at all. However, it’s a passion He put in my heart at a young age. Its a path He allowed me to begin preparing for as young as childhood. I have an army, and my army is faith-filled and guided me through the journey that He has set before me. I am finally beginning to understand exactly how Jeremiah 29:11 relates to my life.
– the Wife