I’m sitting here after two of the best weeks of my entire life. Tears are streaming down my face, and I feel absolutely helpless. My heart is cracking with every passing moment, and I keep taking breaks to cry a little and then start back doing whatever it was that I was doing before. When I start a project, I get distracted and have trouble completing that task. When my alarm goes off, I don’t even hit snooze. I just turn it off and roll back over.
It’s a cycle I’ve gone through so many times before, and this time, I really believed it would be different. For some reason, I thought it would be easier. I scrolled through the beautiful pictures all the way home, on both flights and even in the car. I’ve been telling stories from the trip left and right to whomever will listen. It’s like I’m doing everything I can to still be there, even though I’m not.
The hardest part is just laying here crying, missing the babies, longing for just one more hug from our sweet housekeeper Jeannette, wishing that I could be back in a truly uncomfortable climate and knowing that I can’t remedy all of these feelings until I’m back in the place that soothes my soul.
Trying to have a normal day on your first day back is like trying to pretend you didn’t just walk out of a landfill where people are living amongst the rubble and trash surviving on items that people have thrown away. It’s like trying to unlearn that little girls are being abused with no one there to protect them. It’s like trying to justify living in abundance when you know that so many phenomenal people are living on less than $1 a day. How do you have a normal day after you meet a little girl was beaten (almost to death) by her parents and then left in a ditch to die?
You can’t. Bottom line… a normal day doesn’t exist after that.
All I can do is sit here and be so grateful for the opportunities that God has given me to serve. I wouldn’t trade these past 2 weeks for anything in the world. All the trips to serve the kids are more valuable than anything this world has to offer.
I haven’t taken proper time to thank those who have supported our efforts this time, and I want to do that now. Thank you for creating these opportunities to learn, to be changed, to be broken, and ultimately to be used by God. Without your unwavering support, unconditional love, and understanding spirit, these trips and projects would not be possible. As real and unbearable as the pain from reverse culture shock feels, I would take this over “not knowing” any day.
Please be patient with me as I prepare some recap posts from our trip. I want to share every moment and meeting with you as a way to wrap up 25 days of Giving. That’s all for now.
– the Wife