Real Talks

Are they mad at me?

I spent way too much time during my teen years wondering if someone was mad at me. I lived in constant fear that I had made someone, anyone, mad. I was always afraid of upsetting a friend, parent or sibling. Majority of the time, no one was mad or upset. I was just living in fear of something that wasn’t reality.

Why did she look at me that way? Did I do something wrong? She didn’t smile back… She must be mad at me.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do feel that if someone doesn’t smile back at us or say, “Hey” when they walk by, that they must be mad? Or heaven forbid, if they don’t quickly reply to our text, then surely, we’ve messed up somehow…

Here’s a better question, when we are afraid that someone is mad at us, why do we dwell on it, instead of addressing it?  Here are 5 ways to figure out if someone is mad at you, followed with a tip on how to approach someone who you think is mad at you.

“Are They Mad at Me?”
5 ways to answer that question:

  1. Ask yourself why you think they are mad at you. If someone is mad at you, then you should easily be able to pinpoint what they did to make you think that they feel that way. If it’s just a vibe, then consider if you really think they are mad or if you are just getting a weird vibe.
  2. Ask yourself why they would be mad at you. If you’ve made someone mad, then you will likely know what you did to make them mad. If you haven’t done anything, then you might be overanalyzing the situation and creating a situation that is only in your head.
  3. Ask yourself what they have going on. Maybe they did actually give you the cold shoulder, but it’s possible that they weren’t mad AT YOU. Maybe they were just having a bad day, or maybe they were even mad about something… something that had nothing to do with you.
  4. Ask yourself if you are mad at you. If the answers to questions 1-3 aren’t helping, then ask yourself if you are upset with yourself. Sometimes, when we are feeling upset with ourselves, we can think that someone else is upset with us. If this isn’t the case, then move to question 5.
  5. Ask them if they are mad at you. If you are still stuck after #4, then ask the person straight up. Don’t play games, it only makes things worse. Just ask them, “Have I done something to upset you?” or “I’ve been getting a vibe that your mad at me, and I’ve tried to figure out what I’ve done. Am I off base?”

If you spend a lot of time worrying about if someone is mad at you, think through these 5 questions. They will put those worries to rest by getting the truth. Instead of worrying, just get straight to the facts. 🙂

-L

 

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